I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
