I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
