I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Come on in and take your pants off
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