I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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