No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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