one word: firstdatebathroomanal
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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