I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
