there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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