sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
