Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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