We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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