dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
