ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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