I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
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