I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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