also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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