It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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