Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
