As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
