I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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