I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
