My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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