bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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