# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When are your genitals available?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
