Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
