i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
