you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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