I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
