sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize