I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
