Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
