I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My feet surprised me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
