Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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