You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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