He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
