I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
