i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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