He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
