It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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