im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
