I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
