Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
