oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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