when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
