i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
