Only a mothe r could love this liver
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
