I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
