It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My dick has a subreddit
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
