I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
