I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
