My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
