If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sext me about skeletons
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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