This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
