Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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