it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
