We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
