In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
