So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
being pregnant is like rehab
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
