she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize