if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
