Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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