somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Randomize
