Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
