He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
as a side note pls kill me
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