My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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