so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
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