good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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